I have some resistance to watching movies on Alzheimers since witnessing my friend Grace lose herself to the disease. I can only imagine how heart wrenching it was for her husband of sixty years to watch helplessly as the women he loved slipped away. I was so touched by their devotion that I moved in to allow them to spend their last days together in their home. This fueled strong feelings of frustration, shock, fear, hopelessness, anger and deep LOVE. I found writing about it therapeutic. Sensing that other people might find strength in their commitment, I drafted the screenplay, “Walking with Grace.” I struggled with how to show the reward in caring for someone in this devastating situation. “The Notebook,” did an amazing job at that. Whenever I happen onto that movie on TV, I get sucked into it again – because of the husband’s unflinching commitment to the love of his life. It chokes me up every time.
Since then, there have been several movies on Alzheimers. Most focus on family members coping with the loss of their loved ones. I felt the subject had pretty much been covered. Then I watched, “Still Alice" for Julianne Moore’s Oscar nominated performance. (She went on to win a well-deserved Best Actress Oscar.) Julianne conducted in-depth research with Alzheimers patients to really get into the mind of her character. After building relationships with them, she asked what they would like her to include about the disease. She incorporated their thoughts and feelings into her part. Those insights on how a patient deals with their loss of self is what sets this movie apart and makes it so powerful.
This is the poignant story of a brilliant linguist who recognizes that she is losing her ability to understand the meaning of even simple words. That awareness is the painful part. She sees her identity fading away and can’t bear the idea of living as a shell of her former self. She struggles to hold on to her connection with her precious words, her loved ones, and her life. “I am struggling to be a part of things, to stay connected to who I once was,” she explains. She comes to the realization that she must live in the present and enjoy her last moments with her loved ones because, “This might be the last year that I am totally myself.” She pleads with her husband to spend time with her now while she is still present, while she is, “Still Alice. “
These amazing men remind us of the importance of loving and living fully in the moment.